Problems With the Head

So, I had my roommate buzz down my hair the other night. He tossed back a few and broke out his virgin hair clippers. I set up the kitchen as a makeshift barbershop complete with photos of Ice Cube and Eve for ambiance. He did a good job. Read More →

Gateway Rides A Cockhorse

I got rid of the Gateway. Goodluck to the young, eager, and oh so naive young man that took it off my hands. Now I have to find something cheap. I am contemplating a barebones kit and building up from there. But, then I think… am I still that much of dork?

I just might be.

No, no no… who has the time and extra money to build a system these days?? I am too busy trying to contemplate rental agreements…

I Am Afflicted Once Again.

I knew it would happen.
For the last two months, I’ve been able to remain relatively unscathed, but my time is nearing an end…
My acne has returned. Read More →

Dressing To Impress… the other Furniture.

My sister pointed out that my mother was wearing a blouse with the same pattern as the couch. I had to take a second glance as she walked by, but it was true. It was the same bad floral pattern.
I didn’t realize this previously as I just assumed the couch was possessed by some demonic force that would flash these red glowing eyes as I walked by. But, it was just my mother.
Who knew?!

HOLIDAYS

All you holiday shoppers need to get the fuck off the roads. Can’t you shop online or something??!! God forbid I have something to do after work and end up driving home anytime between 4pm and 7pm. Highway 4 can burn in Hell. How come they can throw up a new Wal-Mart every five seconds, but they can’t build another highway lane without it taking years?!

What is Normal Anyway?

I have been struggling lately trying to create these perfect squares, these perfect tiles…
I finally realized that the way the heat is warping them is actually adding to their quality. Who the fuck cares about a perfect box anyway?… Read More →

Oh Yeaaaaah, They Are Finally Here!

You know you want one. Everyone does. You’re only pretending to want that plain Jane, boring old Barbie and her closeted sidekick, Skipper. (Come on, Skipper has wanted to go deep sea diving on that pink box ever since the introduction of the Barbie Spa back in the 80’s! Those long nights spent steaming away behind the Barbie House, drunk on ‘apple-juice’ champagne, throwing her those long lingering mispent glances – hoping she was melting from your big sexy painted-on eyes and not the water I just poured in from the whistling teapot… and yet Skipper, you still couldn’t muster up the nerve. Pathetic!)

Call Off The Search

The Honda Civic has been recovered and only five streets down from the house. The criminal masterminds got away with a few dollars in change. I’m sure they’re kicking back and relaxing on some tropical beach by now, sipping their Coronas and planning their next big heist. Hey Guys, I think there’s an 85′ Ford Fiesta with questionable door locks on Fulton and 16th…

Strange Events

One of my co-workers brought me a cup of coffee this morning. Wasn’t expecting that one. I don’t think she reads my blog though, so I’m wondering what this is all about.
I’ll have to tell her to bring me just one pack of sugar next time instead of three and to also be on roller skates whiles she’s at it.
Although, hot liquids and roller skates probably don’t make such a great combination now that I think about it.

Random Thoughts

I am sick again. It was inevitable as the majority of people in my office are currently getting over their colds. The company has cancelled the annual flu vaccinations, not that I ever used that opportunity before, but whatever… Read More →